And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
