Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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