We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize