mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
