just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
