Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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