Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i will never coherently bang her
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
