Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
