I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
