I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
