Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
