hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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