Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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