I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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