looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
