it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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