i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
