Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
