The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
