I wish I only lived at night.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
