I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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