I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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