we're blogging at a bar
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
