I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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