she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
