her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
