oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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