just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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