you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
