so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
