Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
