Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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