Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
