Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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