hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
