my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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