What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
