ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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