Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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