well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
