Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
