Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
