I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
