wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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