i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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