Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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