it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
