I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
