theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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