your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
