I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
