I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
