It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
